the colorless lotus

The story’s…

It was a summer back in 2022 when I first met Faedi, marking what would become the most desirable moment of my life. We had ice cream, BBQ, and went kayaking out at Lake Pupuke with her siblings. Drama eventually hit the moment we arrived, stirring up tension between me and her brothers. I’ll come back to that story later, but stay tuned—eventually, you’ll learn how Faedi and I became a loving couple with twin children, Mimi and Dimi, both of whom are adorable and hyper-energetic like wild bears.

It all started on November 5th, 2022, around 6:00 PM. My phone rang multiple times, and on the ninth ring, I finally decided to answer.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this Jeery?”

“Yeah, who’s this?”

“It’s me, Danny.”

“Oh, Danny! What’s up, brother?”

“Yeah, I’m planning a summer camping trip at the end of this month up by Lake Pupuke. You willing to come along?”

“Yeah, sounds wicked, Danny.”

“Alright G, I’ll DM you next week.”

Within days, I rushed to the supermarket and camping stores, trying to grab any adventurous equipment that might come in handy.

Early Saturday morning on the 9th, right at the dawn of 6:00 AM, I got up and packed my gear, food, and supplies. Just before hitting the road, my phone rang. Danny was calling to let me know that his two sisters would be tagging along. With everything all set, I grabbed the keys, turned the engine, and with a quick rev of vroom vroom, set off on the four-hour drive.

Driving out to the site was breathtaking. The countryside scenery was stunning, filled with green grass, clear blue skies, and cows and sheep mooing and baahing.

I pulled up to the site around 11:00 AM. Standing near the water were Danny, two unfamiliar faces—his sisters, including Faedi (and damn, she was gorgeous; I was left completely smitten)—along with her two brothers. The drama was about to unfold.

Half an hour in, we were unloading containers and the stove, preparing our tents before nightfall. As we were setting up, I noticed one of the sisters carrying equipment back and forth alongside us. Realizing I hadn’t introduced myself yet, I brushed off my hands after the next unload, walked toward her, and offered a smile.

“Hi, I’m Jeery.”

“Hi Jeery, I’m Fida.”

In a split second, I noticed her gentle, warm voice, feeling a strange sense that I had met her before. Danny and I went way back to secondary school—we used to jog up the narrow track hills every weekend and bonded over our shared love for the outdoors. On the other hand, me and his brother Marcos were never on the same page.

As we got ready for lunch, Fida came up to me and asked, “Jeery, have you been on a date before?”

I stood still, brain fog setting in as I tried to remember my past. I gently shook my head. “No, I’ve never actually been on a date at all.”

Fida continued setting up the campsite without another word. Doubts flooded my thoughts until I suddenly remembered that back when I was 16, I had dated a girl briefly—an inexperienced, jump-off-the-train kind of relationship. Suddenly, like a bolt of lightning striking me, I realized that the girl I dated back in secondary school was Fida.

It was déjà vu all over again, seeing her and having her capture my full attention.

as we gather up around for noon BBQ, FIDA didn’t look towards me, but I WAS feeling sense of security, was I shy ? No not at all, confident as a rocket about to take off - but with a short fall landing. apart from Fida past recall.

Faedi caught my eye—her slim build, greenish eyes, and refined nose immediately sparked my interest. Twenty minutes in, everyone had finished their food and snacks, and I caught myself mentally rehearsing a pep-talk to figure out how to draw her in and spark a mutual connection.

Leaning back on the camper seat with drinks flowing and music playing in the background, I turned to Faedi, who was sitting two spots to my left, just past Danny. I decided to ask her about her career field, knowing it would sound natural to the group while still letting me focus on her without making my strong interest too obvious. She replied that she works as a marketing director. Ooh, marketing director? Not a bad position to be in. I had heard that modern digital marketers can earn top rates yearly—maybe somewhere around $75k or more.

Afterward, Danny started scraping out the food waste while Marcos and I cleaned up and stored away the BBQ stove. For twenty full minutes, Marcos and I scrubbed that grill without exchanging a single word. It felt like we were sizing each other up, yet neither of us would even catch the other’s eye. He acted just like a kid throwing a silent tantrum over a toy—completely childish.

“At quarter past two, as everyone was winding down, I glanced over the Ute just to get a peek at Faedi’s radiant, glowing face. Man oh man, I was as excited as a dog wagging its tail.” all the sudden fright, " Jeery, what are you doing ' ! as I turn, Danny amused me, " are you checking out Faedi " ? I response saying " Um Umm, no bro’ just dazing out since I’m a little bit tired from cleaning the BBQ stove, " as Danny gently laugh and shook his head, and walk off.

at 3, we gather and went for a track hike, along the ways, we brought two backpack only, since we expect to get back by 5, no torch or survival kits, only just water and snacks.

tramping up the hill, we heard sounds, having doubt as to what wildlife was breeding in these forest and trees, unexpectedly Marcos, ask me if there are aliens living here, everyone laugh out loud, Danny said " there’s no alien or aliens, but they could have inhabited earth around here since before humanity came into existent.

Fida, walk the slowest just behind us all, making it obvious to know, could she not wanting me on the field too ? or am i just doubting my own question of thinking over uncertainty of self-doubt thoughts ? Mm.. who knows ?!

45 minutes in, everyone stop for a short break, surprisingly Fida, puts her right arm around my neck, it’s like a moment of a photo snap shot, I freeze with my head up straight, visualizing moments inside my mind saying " what the ? is Fida actually still into me " ?

split-second, she swayed her arm away, Faedi said " aww.. cute moment, have you two known each other before " ? Fida respond, " Yes we both go way back to our teenage years.”

anyway, when we reach the other side of the track, there was a yellow small sandy dirt beach, we decided to take a swim together.

Everything was going well after our swim when suddenly Marcos asked me to leave.

“Leave as in the beach site, or the whole campsite?” I asked.

Marcos said, “The whole site.”

I was completely speechless. Shocked, I stood there feeling clueless and shirtless, and managed to ask, “Why?”

Marcos walked over to Danny, and they talked in hushed tones for a moment. Then Danny walked back over to me. “Jerry knew the date, just to come by… Have you disregarded Fida’s past trauma?”

“Danny, there’s no way I would ever make a cold pitch like that,” I replied.

Danny stood there in full harsh mode, looking at me like I was the main suspect in a horror movie.

Not much else was said, but the pressure was building. Fida’s state of mind was always a split picture: on one hand, she openly admitted to being torn between two conflicting sides of herself; on the other, she wasn’t even aware of how far out of line she got whenever she played her games of cat and mouse.

The games went like this:

“Baby, you got me,”

as if we were chasing themes out of fame,

dining on time, trapped inside our own minds.

Catching cold feet, molded by the cold,

thrusting through the air under tight control,

leaving time behind on the grind.

That was us—me and Fida—summoning every perception of self-doubt just to claim a renown close-call. But she would never let self-awareness mature into genuine personal reflection.

Just to come by, as if I were merchandising class affairs out of something rare—building real trust over the cheap thrill of the moment, with no faking involved. But it was worth knowing firsthand.

Alright, everyone got up and out of the water, heading back toward our campsite. We arrived after a few hours of walking. Then Fida and I switched into wash-up, air-dry mode, my mind racing as I tried to engineer a second chance. Fida’s momentum was calling back that sense of mutual duality. Was I out of my mind? No—coming to a conclusion, I held onto an instinct of morals, trusting my gut just to treasure a golden chance.

Danny jumped straight to conclusions, demanding to know why I never brought up my past glamorous in-call date with Fida. I told him straight: “Every time I send a catch in, she dodges coming out on a date, so I call it off.”

“Fair call,” Danny admitted.

Man, I was sweating through my shirt, but I managed to smooth over the scene before bringing up the mist again.

Either way, I walked right over to Marcos and asked, “Marcos, where’s your girl?” “She’s out with a group of friends,” he said. “Group of friends?” I pushed. “Calling a date a ‘mate,’ right?”

Silence from Marcos.

Knowing I’d hit below the belt gave me total goosebumps. Out of a mismatched situation, my gut was warning me not to panic and ruin the deal. But the more I pulled back, the more the pressure built up inside me. Either I make the bold move, or I get caught out cold.

It’s dark now, and we’re all gathered around the campfire getting dinner ready. Music’s playing, and Danny and I are turning over steaks—feeling stupid trying to claim the crown out of nowhere—when Marcos suddenly drops a hyper mood-buster on all of us.

The outtake takes less than a minute.

Marcos—better known around here as the Clappy Clown—pulls an old memory out of the cold, reshaping it into a brand-new mold. Just like that, he shreds the brag of an old mate who used to claim he was nothing more than a shadow in the background.

Marcos recalls the day Danny and I slipped all the way down the hills—the very ones we used to tramp up every single weekend. Half of those paths are completely unwalkable now, erased by sandyslides over time.

It was a day heavy with rain. Danny and I were sprinting right along the raw edge of the slope. When Marcos finally caught up, he yanked us back by our shirts—just some foolish play on his part, a quick move to put space between me and Danny and cut off a rising temper before things blew up.

But psshh… a little move like that isn’t nearly enough to call off my instinct for karma.

Predictable.